Lost in Translation

I remember flying to Toronto or Montreal with my dad when I was a kid… He’d take me on business trips, conventions of all sorts, and sometimes im sure just an excuse to get away from the stresses of home.. (ok, maybe that last ones a stretch) but it was cool…. I mean, some dad’s teach you how to change the oil, or build things…. And that’s cool too, but my dad taught me about people, and sales… and I’m not even sure if he realized how good he was at it… but as a result of those experiences, I was often got to be included in things that most 20, 17, 15, 10, or 8 years olds ever get to be exposed to. I learned how to gauge people, and judge, (maybe through intuition or maybe it was nonverbal cues from dad) when it was ok to speak/participate, and when to be silent and act disinterested… As much as both happened with I would assume equal frequency, I never took the latter as an insult or slight against me, but rather as a private joke between my dad and I on the person around home I would play the role of the “kid in tow”

And while im not certain if my opinions had much weight when in contrast to his own, he always asked….. but anyway… Im getting side tracked, but sometimes that’s how memories come…. You start out thinking on one track and before you get that thought complete you go down another path…. But anyway… as I fly into montreal yesterday, I was reminded of those trips.. and how much I miss spending that kind of quality time with my dad… but I also miss the niave optimism I had about the future…

When I was really young, I’d look out the window of the plane on the approach at the cars and houses below, and I’d imagine what life was like in that persons house.. where they worked, their social network, their family…… and I’d fabricate in my own imagination in the 10 minutes or so it took before the tires hit the tarmack a completely imaginary life that stayed in the big city, and didn’t go home again after a few days… I mean its only in hindsight I realize how great it was to grow up in a small town, cause as a kid I really hated it… So isolated and sheltered… things I cherish now, as memories…

Anyway… it was pretty cool back then.. I’d met Gorden Deepe from the Spoons, Yngiew Malstem, Steve Neaugas from Saga, Corine Alphine, Penthouse pet of the year back in 1980-something… and the list goes on… and I wasn’t very old… (and never did learn to spell very well)

Given all that “prepping”, if you can call it that, I was certain of one thing back then…… I was going to do something in the music business… I wasn’t sure what, but I new it was gong to be something… I mean, what else was there? I’d been around this my whole life, and even as a kid, I could walk the walk, and talk the talk from both the artist perspective, and the business end… I even had 3 clear measurable goals that, in my mind, would allow me to say… “yeah.. I did it”
1> a juno
2> to be invited to jam on Austin City Limits , and
3> to have my birthday announced on Entertainment Tonight.. (the US version, not just the Cheesey Canadian Spin off)

And I almost went for it…but I didnt.. and gradualy, the gap between what I new, and what ya need to know just got bigger and bigger...

oh well...


Theres a long, well, a few long stories about it, and at this moment, I can’t remember if I’ve ever blogged about them… about booking bands for the college in Newfoundland, or meeting the guy from DKD and my experiences there… about pushing CD holders and and I’m a little too tired and hurting to go there right now anyway.. but suffice to say.. there were many opportunities and many doors that would have opened…… I just didn’t jump…

Im not sure why actually… I mean, I’ve fabricated several possible reasons in my mown mind, excuses mostly, but I think at the end of the day, it was fear of heartbreak….. which may sound odd, but if you’ve ever met someone who really jumped in to music head first and gave it all and fell short…. “heartbreak” is about as close as one could hope to describe it… but its not a clean, its over kind of heartbreak, its more like one of those lingering, she’ don’t want you but wont let you go either kind of relationships where you know its not ever going to be what you want.. but you wont ever be free, and you wont ever heel… not completely…

So… I jump head first into the whole “suit” world… and, to my credit, Im not to bad at it.. but there comes a point in a career when you look around at where you are, what comes next, what it will give you, and what it will cost you... and you catch a glimps of yourself in the mirror and you think “Holy crap, is that me?” I mean, I jumped into it headfirst… and for probably 8 of the last 12 years I had my head so far up my own ass it was sickening… Gun-ho for broke, determined, and driven… A sales managers dream… My old managers would tell you as much, I mean, I was the frog, but it didn’t last…. And Im not sure what happened.. if it happened all at once, or in little bits along the way… but I began to not entirely embrace where I was going and to a certain extent, begin wonder, deeply, about the path I didn’t take… and I think part of the reason, is I realized that most careers, more specificially, Financial services, have no guarantees…. Talented people, hard working people get passed over all the time in every arena… The music Biz does not have a monopoly on B.S., Red Tape, Politics, and all that jazz… its everywhere… Hard work and talent alone are not “always” enuff… It helps to know people, of course, but theres also a great amount of luck and timing… and the later of those two are what you can’t control… So I guess seeing that, learning that reality, in retrospect, I wonder a lot about “what could have happened if”

What If I had gone to the Recording Arts Program? ST. FX JazZ? What if I had gone on the the Road with the Push? What if I had had tried to work at DKD as a Peon, what if I tried to write/perform full time? Where would I be right now? Who knows… I have no right to complain, but I can’t help but wonder..


Ok… enuf of that..



In other news, I opted to wear my suit on the plane yesterday, thinking I’d get a little more respect… and in the past, that used to work, but I think the airline industry as a whole has been so fucked, that its left all the staff shell shot…. As they were equally indifferent to everyone… so lesson learned there… and, I should have known better, but wearing a suit to Steve’s music store had the exact Opposite effect of what I was hoping for on the airplane… As most Musicians see a suit, and, well.. .Lets just say I’d have gotten more respect in jeans and my eagles tour t-shirt… but screw those guys..

I've bought a few things on ebay, but I'm really likeing Sweetwater... these days.. Im not a big customer, but those guys really know how to make a customer feel important... So To hell with Steve's Music, Cripes, it erks me how they ignored me yesterday.. but their loss.. I'll spend my money online instead...

Anyway.. I can’t wait to get home.normally I enjoy my trips here, but Im not feeling the love this time.. Actually Its been hell, but that’s mostly due to this cold, and its left me grumpy and intolerant…… . I just feel like crap, and it doesn’t help here that the restaurants and stores here are soo pretentious, except for the lady in the clothing store downstairs…

….. I change into my jeans and t after work today, and head downstairs.. Theres a wicked sale, and I go in to browse, and based on my less the positive experiences in the retail world here yesterday, Im regretting changing out of my suit… but this lady is different… Maybe she’s like me when she’s home.. and the dress up outfit is just a version of herself she wears to work.. She askes me about what Im looking for, and rather then getting huffy when I say “I really don’t know, I don’t have a clue about colors, I usually rely on my wife to tell me what looks good” she makes some polite suggestions based on my eye and hair color… “she’s good”… I think to myself as I buy two shirts… but she was… she didn’t judge me by my jeans or ratty t-shirt.. it was actually the best customer service I’ve had this trip…..

I end up leaving our supper early..it was great, but I just felt to sick.. but I stop in my way back to look for a 3rd shirt..

“you ok?” she asks…

“No, I think I need some nyquil but I cant find a pharmacy”

She reached In her purse and gives me two tablets…. “We have 4 kids, I’ve got a portable pharmacy, take these and get some sleep”
I’ll likely never see this lady again.. but she’s cool in my book! Which goes to show.. theres good people out there… sometimes where and when you least expect it…

So im hear now in my hotel, missing home, missing my girls.. missing my studio, missing my dog.. .and missing my meds that I forgot to bring… (backs killing me) and to make matters worst, I am as sick as I’ve even been, and Did not enjoy my supper nearly as much on the way up, as I did going down… for lack of a better, more graphic description, but the 20 dollar rice crispies and oj I just got from room service seemed to hit the spot… A good nite sleep would be good.. but If last nite is any indication, I likely will have trouble… between the cough and my back… I’d be just as well off to find something productive to do and not sleep at all.. but I have to try… Thank god the weekends fast approaching.. and We’ve no Planned projects… maybe I can talk the better half in to a weekend of lazy couch surfing? Then again.. there’s still wood to stack…. Ah well… Xmass is coming.. maybe I’ll catch a nap or two then…